


Lost

by rose_malmaison



Series: Promise [36]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Drama, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Kid - Freeform, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 20:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1831588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rose_malmaison/pseuds/rose_malmaison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony rarely mentioned his mother, though the few times he had spoken of her, it was obvious he had loved her very much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I often mention films that I've seen, and I loved 1935's Paddy O'Day. Jane Withers was such a spunky kid and really engaging. I love that she enjoyed a career that spanned many years.

**Lost**

"How old were you?" asked Tim, taking his eyes off the road for a moment. They were headed to the Navy Yard. This would be Tony's first visit since they'd left for Okinawa nearly two years ago.

"When?" Tony asked vaguely.

"When your mother passed away," Tim said.

Tony rarely mentioned his mother, though the few times he had spoken of her, it was obvious he had loved her very much.

"I was ten," Tony replied, staring out the window. "You ever see _Paddy O'Day_? 1935. Jane Withers was only nine. She was a spunky kid–"

"Wasn't she Josephine the Plumber in ads on TV?"

"That's her. Paddy arrives in New York but her mother, who went ahead to work at a big mansion, had died. So Paddy joins a troupe of entertainers and becomes famous."

"Is there a point to this?"

"She was only a _kid_ , Tim, who did whatever it took to survive." Tony turned to Tim and gave him a big smile. "This is going to be so cool, seeing everyone at work."

Most people would have been taken in by that smile. There was nothing but happiness and enthusiasm in Tony's expression, and yet Tim could _feel_ the undercurrent of pain like it was a tangible thing. "Tony?"

"Boy, I missed everyone. Abby's taking me to lunch."

Tim warned, "Just don't overdo it."

Tony nodded and turned away. They were almost at NCIS when Tony said, his voice devoid of emotion, "I wanted to be like Paddy O'Day. I wanted to be fearless in a really scary world, to find a new family…I used to cry every night for…for a _long_ time after Mom died. It would hit me at the weirdest times. Somebody would say something, or I'd hear a song on the radio, or my father would look at me the wrong way and it would set me off. He told me to be a man, that DiNozzos don't cry, and I tried…I really _tried_ , but even when I learned not to cry any more, he still hated me. I…I don't know what I _did_."

Tim glanced over to see tears streaming down Tony's face, and he reached over and took his hand. "You didn't _do_ anything!"

Breathing hard, Tony said, "I _must_ have. I must…have…done _something_. I don't–"

Worried, Tim pulled the car over. "Tony, calm down."

Eventually Tony's breathing evened out and he dried his face and blew his nose. "Mom said, 'I'll be fine,' but she was _lying_. She changed when she got sick. She wasn't the same person. She even smelled different. All I wanted was my mom back, and I shouted at her, 'You're not my mom!' She looked so disappointed and sad that I said I was sorry, and I sat on her bed and we watched a movie on TV but I fell asleep. I woke up when a nurse pulled me out of the room. She tried to shield me but…I looked back." Tony whispered, "I should never have looked back."

< • > < • > < • >  
 


End file.
